Who's Harry again?
by TheDragonRider
Summary: A short humerous Fic about the birth of Harry and other goings on, whilst James and Sirius completely lose the plot! As usual!
1. What IS that?

**Lily:** "It's a boy!"

**James:** "No it's not!"

**Lily:** "Yes it is!"

**James:** "No, it's not!"

**Lily:** "Yes it is James!"

**James:** "No it's n- oh! Wait, I was looking at it upside down. Ok yeah it's a boy!"

**Lily:** Shakes head.

**Remus:** "Can we come in?"

**James:** "No! Go away!"

**Lily:** "James shut your face! Yes, come in."

**Sirius:** "WOW! What the hell is that?!"

**Lily:** "SIRIUS! THAT'S OUR SON!"

**Sirius:** "_Our_ son?"

**Lily:** "Me and James! Get a grip Sirius!"

**James:** Hits Sirius on the head!

**Sirius:** Rubs head

**Remus:** Points and laughs

**Sirius:** Glares at him

**Remus:** Stops laughing

**Lily:** "Ok no-ones said anything in a while!"

**James:** "Uh…right. Sooo…where's Wormtail?"

**Sirius:** "Oh, he's unconscious"

**James:** "Why?"

**Sirius:** "He got hit on the head with a brick."

**James:** "How do you know?"

**Sirius:** "Because I hit him on the head with a brick!"

**James:** "…"

**Sirius:** "I thought I'd made that clear."

**James:** "Oh yes, inescapably!" Rolls eyes

**Sirius:** "I saw that!"

**Remus:** "Oook, moving swiftly onwards!"

**Lily:** "So James, what shall we name _our_ son?"

**James:** "Moses."

**Lily:** "No."

**James:** "Hmmm…Mohawk!"

**Sirius:** "What the flip?!"

**Lily:** "NO!"

**James:** "Hmmm…James?"

**Lily:** "God-no!"

**Remus:** "Nut-uh!"

**Sirius:** "No way!"

**James:** Looks sad

**Sirius:** "Awww!" Hugs James

**James:** Looks scared!

**Remus:** "I like Harry."

**Sirius:** "I'm sure you do Remus but now is not the time for conversations involving your love life!"

**Remus:** "You're an idiot!"

**Sirius:** "True!"

**Lily:** "I like Harry too."

**James:** "Hey who is this 'Harry' person?"

**Remus:** "You're an idiot too, Prongs!"

**Sirius:** "Well we ALL knew that!"

**Lily:** "Harry Potter."

**James:** "HEY! Potter's my name!"

**Lily:** "Oh my good sweet God! What did I marry into?"

**Remus:** "Harry James Potter."

**James:** "MY N-"

**Remus:** "DON'T!"

**Sirius:** "Harry James Potter. Sweet!"

**James:** "Wait! I get it!"

**Lily:** "Finally."

**Remus:** "About time."

**Sirius:** "WOO-HOO!"

**James:** "Hang on…wait – ok no. I lost it."

**Lily:** "Good grief!"

**Sirius:** "Mmmm beef."

**Remus:** "?"

**Harry:** "Gufflewuffpt"

**Lily:** "Cute."

**Sirius:** "Did he just say Hufflepuff?!"

**Remus:** "No Sirius. Now sit down before you hurt yourself – no, ON THE CHAIR PADFOOT! Good grief!"

**Sirius:** "Mmmm beef."

**Remus:** "??"

**Lily:** "James would you like to hold him?"

**James:** "WHAT?!"

**Lily:** "Harry, James! Harry!"

**James:** "Who's Harry?"

**Lily:** "The baby."

**James:** "There's a baby?"

**Lily:** "Yes you great bafoon, it's your son!"

**James:** "..."

**Lily:** "James."

**James:** "…"

**Lily:** "JAMES!"

**James:** "!!!"

**Lily:** "Good grief!"

**Sirius:** "Mmmm beef."

**Remus:** "???"

**James:** "I'm a dad?"

**Lily:** laughs "Yes James, you're a dad – Oh! What's wrong now?"

**James:** "I still think we shoulda called him Moses!"

* * *

**A/N: **Ok sorry for the complete and utter silliness of it all, but I was **VERY** hyper when I wrote this! (As you may have been able to tell!) lol. C-ya!


	2. HOLY WATER!

**James: **"Dada, say dada, Harry."

**Remus:** "Remus, say Remus."

**Sirius: **"Smeedlehorphin, say smeedle-"

**James:** "SIRIUS!"

**Sirius:** "What? It's a word!"

**Remus:** Raises eyebrows

**Sirius:** "Wha…? Don't you look at me like that wolf-boy!"

**James:** "Anyway, just stop making up words!"

**Sirius:** "I WASN'T! Smeedlehorphin is a word!"

**Remus:** "Suuuure!"

**Sirius:** "Hey I…shut-up!"

**James:** "Prove it!"

**Sirius:** "You can't exactly prove it, Prongs, he just kinda has to stop talking and -"

**James:** "No, I mean prove 'smeedle-de-doo' is a word!"

**Remus:** "Smeedlehorphin, James."

**James:** "HEY! Whose side are you on here, Wolf-boy?"

**Remus:** "Can people stop calling me 'wolf-boy'?!"

**Sirius:** "But that's what you are Remus. A wolf…who's a boy!"

**Remus:** "That's not the point!"

**Sirius:** "Oho! I think you'll find that it _is_ the point!"

**James:** "I think you'll find this conversation HAS no point!"

**Sirius:** "You only say that because you wanted to say the word 'point'!"

**James:** "You got me!"

**Sirius:** "W00000T!"

**Remus:** Backs away, slowly

**James:** Also begins to 'w00000t'!

**Harry:** "W00000T!"

**James:** Jumps up and down like a madman on a bouncy stick "HIS FIRST WORD!"

**Remus:** "Uh, Prongs…"

**Sirius:** Continues insane w00000t-ing!

**James:** "Yeah wolf-boy?"

**Remus:** "I think you'll find that…Hey! STOP CALLING ME WOLF-BOY!"

**James:** "I'm sorry, what was that, Wolf-boy? I couldn't hear you. I was too busy thinking up nicknames to annoy you by!"

**Remus:** "Yeah? Well don't!"

**James:** Sticks out tongue

**Remus:** Pretends to cut off James' tongue

**James:** Clamps hand over mouth

**Remus:** Stops making scissor movements with hands

**James:** Wipes drool from stuck-out-tongue on Sirius

**Sirius:** Still continues relentless w00000t-ing

**Remus:** Pulls out a gun and shoots Sirius on the forehead

**Sirius:** Falls down dead, yet still continues to w00000t!

**James:** "What, in the name of the wee man, did you do that for?"

**Remus:** "HOW THE HELL CAN HE POSSIBLY STILL BE BLOODY W00000T-ING?"

**James:** "He's still alive! Oh it's a miracle!"

**Remus:** "No. It's Satan determined to make me crack before he takes me!"

**James:** "SATAN?! Where's me holy water?"

**Remus:** "I don't know, James. Did you try in your chapel that you have out back?"

**James:** "Chapel?"

**Remus:** "Yes, James. You know, place of prayer. Contains holy water!"

**James:** "Then what are we waiting for? Lets go find the chapel!"

**AT THE CHAPEL**

**James:** "This the place?"

**Remus:** "Yep."

**James:** "Right."

**Crickets:** "Chirp-chirp!"

**Remus:** Pulls out gun again and shoots at crickets

**Crickets:** "Ha-ha, missed us, Wolf-Boy!"

**Remus:** "I HATE CRICKETS!"

**James:** "Why did we even come here?"

**Remus:** "How should I know?!"

**BACK AT HOUSE**

**James:** "OH! I remember – HOLY WATER!"

**AT THE CHAPEL (again)**

**James:** "Uh…"

**Remus:** "You've forgotten again haven't you?"

**James:** "Would you hate me?"

**Remus:** "Yes."

**James:** "Then I didn't!"

**Remus:** "Hmmm."

**BACK AT HOUSE**

**James:** "HOLY WATER!"

**Remus:** "Here we go again…"

**AT THE CHAPEL**

**James:** "BUGGAR!"

**Remus:** "Ok, I have to do this!" Pulls out gun again and shoots James in the foot

**James:** "Uh…OW!"

**Remus:** "Oh sorry, I was going for your head!"

**James:** Points at foot "Does this look like my head to you?"

**Remus:** "Probably has a higher IQ!"

**James:** "So?"

**Remus:** "BANG!"

**James:** "AAARRRGGGHHH!!!"

**Remus:** "He-he!"

**James:** "HEY! Ok, give me that!"

**Remus:** "My gun!"

**James:** "My cause of death! Give it to me!"

**Remus:** "NO!"

**James:** "YES!"

**Crickets:** Pulls out mini 'cricket gun'!

**James:** "AAARRRGGGHHH! IT'S GOT A GUN!"

**Remus:** "It's also an insect!"

**James:** "WITH A GUN!"

**Remus:** "Good grief!"

**Sirius:** "Mmmm, beef!"

**Remus:** "?"

**James:** "RUUUUUUUN AWAAAAAAAY!!!"

**Remus:** "No, James, it's only a…KEEP RUNNING! DON'T COME BACK"

**Sirius:** "That's a bit harsh!"

**Remus:** "LOOK, SIRIUS! ARMED INSECTS!"

**Sirius:** "AAARRRGGGHHH!!! RUUUUUUN AWAAAAAY!!"

**Remus:** "Mwahahahahahahahaha!"

**Crickets:** "BANG!"

**Remus:** "AAARRRGGGHHH!!! RUUUUUUN AWAAAAAAAY!!"

**Crickets:** "Mehehehehehehehehehe!"


	3. Random Nun and Misplaced Beef

**James: **"Right…"

**Sirius:** "LEFT!"

**James:** "What?"

**Sirius:** "You said 'right' so I said 'left'!"

**James:** "Oh, right"

**Sirius:** "Oh left!"

**James:** "Ok, stop that now!"

**Sirius:** "Don't have a cow!"

**James:** "I wasn't planning to!"

**Sirius:** "Look at my shoe!"

**James:** "?!"

**Remus:** "Oh, not that rhyming thing again!"

**James:** "What rhyming thing?"

**Remus:** "He does this thing where he says random things to make them rhyme with whatever you've just said!"

**James:** "Sounds like fun!"

**Remus:** "NO! NO IT'S NOT!"

**Sirius:** "You smell like snot!"

**James:** "Does snot actually _have_ a smell?"

**Sirius:** "I fell down a well!"

**Remus:** "Chance would be a fine thing! And how should I know? Do I look like the kinda guy who goes around sniffing snot?!"

**Sirius:** "James has a head like a plant pot!"

**James:** "What?"

**Remus:** "Don't listen to him."

**James:** "But it's so hard not to…he's just kinda there – all the time!"

**Sirius:** "I like to rhyme…HEY!"

**James:** "Well, you are!"

**Sirius:** "True!"

**Remus:** "Where's my gun?"

**Sirius:** "I gave it to a nun!"

**Remus:** "STOP THAT!"

**Sirius:** "TOP HAT!"

**Remus:** "GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

**Sirius:** "Uh…?"

**Remus:** "Ha-ha! Make something rhyme with that then!!"

**James:** "You're sad, did you know that?"

**Sirius:** Looks sad

**Remus:** "Well, he's sad too! LOOK!"

**James:** "Saddo!"

**Remus:** "Hey, shut up! I stopped him rhyming didn't I?"

**James:** "Suppose so. Didn't really mind it all that much actually!"

**Remus:** "WHAT?! TRAITOR!"

**Sirius:** "Uh…SPAITOR!"

**Remus:** "Now what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

**Sirius:** "A dunno! Rhymes with traitor though, dunnit?"

**James:** "He has a point, Wolf-Boy."

**Remus:** "Again with the Wolf-Boy?!"

**James:** "YEP!"

**Sirius:** "I want beef!"

**Remus:** "I want my gun back!"

**Sirius:** "BEEF!"

**Remus:** "GUN!"

**James:** "Uh…Lily?!"

**Lily:** "What?"

**James:** "Give me a random thing to shout!"

**Lily:** "Why do you want a -"

**James:** "JUST DO IT WOMAN! Oh wait, I shouted there. Ok that'll do. Thanks!"

**Lily:** "???"

**James:** "You can go now?"

**Lily:** "What is Sirius doing under the piano?"

**James:** "Hmmm, probably just looking for some beef."

**Lily:** "UNDER THE PIANO?!"

**James:** "Hey, Lils, don't ask me to explain what goes on inside that man's head!"

**Lily:** "Don't worry. I wouldn't dare; your head might explode!"

**Sirius:** "BEEF! I FOUND IT!"

**James:** "Uh…good for you mate!"

**Lily:** "I think we should move house. Run. Leave just now. Take Harry and get the hell out. Sirius will never know where we have gone!"

**James:** "Don't count on it. Sirius has his ways of driving us to despair! He'll find us, mark my words!"

**Lily:** "Bugger!"

**James:** "Hey! Where'd Remus go?"

**Sirius:** Through a mouthful of beef- "Said shumfin about a gun!"

**Lily:** "Ow! OW! Beef in my eye!

**James:** "A gun, eh?"

**Remus:** "That's right James, a gun! And I FOUND IT!"

**James:** "Where was it?"

**Remus:** "Oh, this random nun had it. She was quite nice actually. I'm seeing her again next Tuesday."

**James:** "Uh…Remus – you do know she's a _nun_ right?"

**Sirius:** "How d'ya know she's not a nun left?"

**James:** "I don't!"

**Sirius:** "Then don't just assume such things, Prongs. Honestly!"

**James:** "Anyway…"

**Remus:** "So what if she's a nun?"

**James:** "She's holy -"

**Sirius:** "Just like that water!"

**James:** "- she wont be able to do…_things!_"

**Remus: **"What sorta _things?_"

**Sirius:** "I KNOW!! I know what things!"

**James: **"Yes, we know you do, Padfoot! Now - SHUT UP!"

**Remus:** "Oh, wait I think I know what– HEY! EWWWW Prongs, get a grip! She's a friggin' nun!"

**Sirius:** "He-he!"

**Remus:** "I HAVE A GUN!"

**James:** "No you don't!"

**Remus:** "What the…HEY! Ok, who stole my gun this time? See if I find out it was that wretched nun again I'll…"

**Lily:** "Uh…James…"

**James:** "Ya?"

**Lily:** "What's the baby doing with the gun?"

**James:** "What baby?"

**Lily:** "Good grief!"

**Sirius:** "Mmmm, beef!"

**Remus:** "?????"


End file.
